Monday, 6 August 2007

Tangent: Time to reflect

Summer's here at last, after months of inclement weather. We always moan about the weather here in England, it is an accepted daily topic. There is a saying here, ' If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes!'

Now is the time to spend cool evenings (when the humidity is low) in the garden, in calm reflection. About the past, about today, about tomorrow. I get very wound up in every detail of my life, always have, always will. Nothing is just 'black or white' to me, rather too many shades of grey. I also have this dual personality( not 'the three faces of Eve' type), just two completely different sides. One is soppy and sentimental, romantic and giving. The other is practical, realistic, cynical, bitter and hard.

When I am wrestling with a mental problem ( the physical ones are easier to deal with), it takes over my being. I 'eat, sleep, feel and nag it ' until I reach some sort of solution. I have a very strong premiss that I live by, 'When in doubt, say 'no'. This has been my mantra for many years and it works for me. If something doesn't feel right, I will know as it will niggle at me, will keep me awake at night, will enter my mind as soon as I open my eyes, will come into my thoughts during my working day, will haunt me......until I reach a decision. Then it all vanishes 'in the blink of an eye'.

When one is fasting, one's mind becomes ultra ultra clear, everything fits into it's own compartment, memories flit in and out, and it becomes quite an enjoyable experience to encounter. There are also the negative thoughts looming on the horizon, and these have to be dealt with too.

As I sit quietly in my garden, I reminisce, I ruminate and I reaffirm.