Friday, 22 June 2007

Ten: Fight the bulge

You just knew I had to get round to this one eventually. Please note it wasn't number one.

Confession time. I do have an obsession with all things to do with weight and food.

More confession time. I am a recovering bulimic and anorexic. There, I've actually written it down for all to see. How brave is that?

I call myself 'recovering' as I still sometimes regress to my ED (for the uninitiated that simply stands for Eating Disorder). When I say regress, I don't mean full on anorexia or bulimia, but sometimes too close for comfort.

I have an 'all or nothing' personality and am a control freak, both of which are very often seen in ED sufferers.

It has always been a feeling of 'fullness' which led me to want to get rid of the food. However, when I started on the long road to recovery years ago, I was told that the 'fullness' is more like overwhelming feelings rather than gluttony. And what I had to learn to do was deal with those emotions and not confuse them with nutritional intake. Easier said than done!

Then suddenly I woke up one day and found I had someone else's body. This middle aged dumpy person - where had she come from? How did she get here so fast? Why is she still there every morning when I look in the mirror?

It's at times like these that I miss the old ED and wish it were still around to comfort me, but mostly to keep me thin and lean, even a bit haggard, rather than this plump comfortable body I am now stuck with.

As they so rightly say, we are never satisfied.