Tangent: Packing

With less than 24 hours till take off, we have had to make a decision. I (thank heavens) am well now, due to the correct diagnosis and steroid inhaler which has at last given me back an almost normal voice, energy and the desire to travel.

However, Neil is still ill, and had a high fever just 24 hours ago, is very weak with flu.
After lengthy thought and weighing the pros and cons, which is almost more exhausting than travelling itself, we have decided to pack anyway (slowly, to give him time to rest in between) and aim to be ready to leave for Heathrow by 7am tomorrow.
If he succumbs to yet another debilitating temperature, or worsens very suddenly, then all is in place for me to go alone (not my choice, but unaviodable).

When I said 'it ain't over till the fat lady sings', I thought she had sung her last aria for us, but it seems she has still more 'singing' to do.

As you can see, Snuffles is not very happy. She loves messing about in our half packed suitcases but gets this 'hangdog' expression in her eyes, woebegone and mournful. (Now I realise the origin of this expression, very apt.)
She will be staying with Steve (Mr P) and I know they'll have great time together, whether mournful or happy, walking in the park or lolling around at home, as long as she is fed and gets lots of cuddles, they will both benefit. (Confucious said ' he who cuddles, gets cuddles in return').

I'm sure he said that, didn't he?

Tangent: The men in my life

The challenge this week on 'Please Draw Me' is to draw the person/people who are very special in your life.
I painted this today, sitting quietly, listening to 'Jigsaw' by Campbell Armstrong on my ipod.

They are all precious to me, they all give me pain in one way or another, they all mean the world to me!

It's also obvious that they don't have much hair or good eyesight !

Tangent: Tagged: seven weird things

This is one of my favourite pictures done by Steve quite a few years ago.

He called it 'Life is a beach'.

It fits this post.

Lynn has offered anyone to consider themself tagged, and contribute their own 'weirdities'.

I just can't resist!

Here goes:
1.) I've been married three times, twice to the same man.

2.) I've lived and worked in four different countries, don't feel I belong anywhere.

3.) I loved my 'divorce' years more than any other times in my life.

4.) I had a 'boob' job done nearly 30 years ago, long before it ever became popular.

5.) I am an Aquarian, but I don't really like people.

6.) I miss my anorexic/bulimic years.

7.) The only person I truly admire is myself.

Strange, strange, but all true!

Go on, have a go, it's very cathartic!

Tangent: Wedding

I've been married three times,
twice to the same man....

My conclusion:

Marriage- bah humbug!!
IF: wedding

Thirty-One: Go back to Hong Kong

In 1984 I went on a 10 day package-tour to Hong Kong with my (then) best friend, Venette. She and her husband often went to Japan and Hong Kong on business. She raved about this City with all its magnificence, and as I had never been to the Far East, it was the right thing to do. Off we went, leaving our kids with the 'hubbies', and it was all she had said and more! I promised Neil over the next twenty years that I would one day 'take him to Hong Kong'.

Mark and Carla are getting married in Australia in December while on a five week recently planned holiday. They have asked us to come out to Oz to attend their wedding ceremony which we would dearly love to do.

But Australia is definitely not the place we would choose to go to for a 'dream' holiday.

So we find ourselves in a quandary

However, we can go to Hong Kong en route to Oz and stay there for 10 days, hence having our 'dream' holiday to celebrate our 60th birthdays (both next year) and also see our son married.

Mmmmm, this sounds ideal........

Twenty: Ode to Moo's bed

My husband calls me 'Moo'. He says it's better than calling me a 'bloody cow'. I've had the name for years and I adore it. This is not about funny nicknames though, it's about 'Moo's bed'.

I lurv my bed. It's my safe haven It's the place I feel most 'at home'. It's the place I go to when the world 'wobbles'. I have often in the past stuck my head under the pillow in order to 'hide' from the world and feel safe (specially in my childhood). Haven't had to do that for many years though.
It's warm, snug, comfy, relaxing and soothing. And, as an extra bonus, I share it with Neil.

My pillow is soft, and just the right height. The duvet is draped just as I like it, as I do the draping, not too much on my side, not too much over the edge, not too much on his side, just right.
I don't have satin sheets, or spectacular colour schemes, in fact my bedroom is very ordinary. No head board at the back of the bed, can't stand those things. No phenomenally gorgeous, outlandishly priced linen, just my usual slightly faded set with the little blue and white flowers, also slightly faded. The walls are painted light cream and have a few bits of art on them, the one of the District Six in Cape Town and the other sea scene in faded pinks with a battered old boat on a desolate beach (both originals, done by African artists and bought on the street from the artists themselves). I do like original art, and have a few more dotted around, all bought or given to me by the artists themselves, including Steve's oil painting he did.
So, here's my ode to my bed.....

' When I'm feeling blue, all I got to do is take a look at you, then I'm not so blue....'

Okay, so it's not an original song, so what?

Tangent: My heart is full

Not of gravy, but of overwhelming joy, as I am a sucker for attention, adoration and love! Yup, the sickly sycophantic sort, no commitment, just quick and easy....

This does not come from the plate of cholesterol you see here, but the event behind it.

Let me explain. I have always wanted a surprise party, someone to go overboard especially for me, to plan and organise and develop and consult and get great pleasure out of giving something to another person they love/adore/worship! In fact, it was definitely on the list of 60 things to do/ have before 60.

I got it. Yup. I did.

No, not just a plate of nosh, a real, honest to God, down to earth surprise party.

Let me explain. yesterday at lunchtime in school, it was my regular 'knitting club' get together, with my 10, 11, 12 year olds. I started the club last September, never thinking that it would take off, but it did and has been the most popular club at school, with nearly 30 girls (and one brave boy) knitting and crocheting. In fact, it has become such a craze that their teachers were having to tell them to 'put away your knitting now, I want to start the maths lesson.'

I have derived huge waves pf pleasure and gratitude the past months. We have made a blanket for a teacher going into hospital, and worked feverishly for our Summer fair to sell scrunchies, purses, ipod covers, spectacles covers, mobile phone covers, handbags etc. Special thanks to my friend Gill who gave up her time to come and help us week in and week out.

I had planned to give them an 'end of year' party next week, when I was suddenly and mysteriously called away from my class just before lunchtime, so that they could prepare.

And prepare they did.

The blinds were closed, the lights off, the food stretched from one end of the table to the other, the orange juice poured and everyone waiting quietly till I was accosted outside the door and led in blindfolded.

With a whoop of 'surprise' they jumped up crowding round me and kissing and hugging me for joy. What a wonderful, amazing, incredibly delightful experience it was.

Overwhelmingly speechless (for once) with tear filled eyes I just hugged them back and we all got stuck in to eat, drink and be merry. We toasted one another several times, we thought about and expressed the things we were all grateful for, and we all had to say the one thing that we had enjoyed the most this last year...'Knitting club' of course we all shouted!!!!

So I have had my surprise party and what a joyful one it was. The plate of food I brought home for my husband is the only testament to it all, as I forgot to take my camera to school ! Blast!

Otherwise a perfect ending to a perfect club.

With a waiting list for next year!

Tangent: Snuffles gallery

Tangent: Orgasm or prozac

The choice is quite simple, prozac or orgasm? orgasm or prozac? The two are not often mutually compatible.

I've been married three times, twice to the same man. No, I don't feel ashamed of it, I'm way behind Liz and Richard. Anyway, these days it's more the norm than the exception. At least I married my second husband again, just to gain some credability, and have had a much better marriage second time/third time around. I know it's all a bit confusing, wierd and wonderful, so welcome to my world!

Depression was never a stranger to me. We were familiar friends by my teenage years, long before depression ever became fashionable. I felt as if an enormous black hole was reaching up to engulf me and drag me down, down, down and there was nothing I could do to help myself.

In those days it was very much a case of 'pull yourself together, for heavens sake!' and the more this was said to me, the deeper I sank. I could no more pull myself towards myself than fly to the moon- which hadn't been flown to yet. I used to wake up feeling dead inside, heavy (which I was anyway, weighing about75 kgs- 12 stone by then) and full of dread. No one can ever understand this feeling unless they have truly suffered with it.

A lot of people will say, 'I feel depressed' today, or 'I feel so down' but often that is not true depression. We who suffer from it and have suffered from it know that you rarely go around saying 'oy, am I depressed, oy, am I depressed.' It's rather a 'becoming' emotion than an 'arriving at' emotion. It creeps up on you so gradually that often you aren't even aware of it till you reach that unenviable stage of not being able to get out of bed, let alone eat or dress yourself (some have the overeating 'thing' till they can't anymore) and still the dread grows.

Fifty years ago you were scoffed at, glared at, questioned and harrassed to 'stop this nonsense for heaven's sake!.' It just wasn't possible in most cases. A lot of my dire unhappiness and foolish decisions could've been avoided if they had invented prozac by then, certainly for me.

Oh, yes, I was put on antidepressants, but ohmigod, they totally annihilated anything I had left, making even thinking harder and the side effects were horrific. When I failed to stay on them, or failed to adjust to the side effects, I was always made to feel like 'a failed' person so further blighted by my unwillingness (or so it was thought) to try to get on with the happy pills. They were more like zombie pills than anything close to happiness I ever experienced.

So, you can imagine, in the late eighties, when my doctor told me I was depressed and should try prozac and some counselling, I decided on the latter. However, thank heavens for the counsellor, a nice, friendly, empathetic, homely little woman who entered my life and advised me strongly but firmly to try prozac- which was then the new wonder drug for depression.

I have never looked back. I have taken it intermittently since then and can honestly say that without prozac I would not have managed to weather the menopausal storms. Women who are prone to severe pms will ultimately struggle even more with the crashing thrashing hormonal waves of the menopause. I have blessed prozac every day for saving me from that.

I know it hasn't always got good press; claims of suicide, changed personalities etc, but if it works, it works, and for me it works.

There is one drawback- isn't there always that one?

After prolonged use of this drug- in my experience - one loses most sexual urges. Of course the 'meenie menos' can do that too, but those who gulp down their 40mg flouxetine with their breakfast probably can expect this to occur eventually. After all if it calms you down and balances you wonderfully ,then it has to be calming those fierce and famous sexual storms too.

Personally, I would rather have 40g for breakfast than that 'BIG O'. Must be reaching 'SIX O'