It's over

To all ye faithful readers

To all my newfound friends

60b460 is now extinct

No more countdowns

Nothing more to achieve before 60

I have had an absolute ball these past 8 months

Thanks for sharing this roller coaster ride with me

Ciao, God bless and watch this space for my new blog

Lots more to come

(I did this painting 5 years ago using acrylics, nice hey?)

Tangent: Let's go fly a kite

Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height
Let's go fly a kite
And send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite!

(wrapping paper collage)

Tangent:Birthday Senita

Senita enjoying the company of all the flowers in the house.

She decided to dress for the occassion, but only managed to look as it she's ready for the 'Battle of Britain'!

HAPPY CACTUS MONDAY (WEDNESDAY)

'MY CUP RUNNETH OVER'

I have always shied away from throwing myself into my birthdays, after having had so many sad ones, disappointing ones, lonely ones, difficult ones, troublesome ones, unhappy ones and just plain miserable ones....so many!

However,this year is very special, as so many people in my family didn't reach 60.
From 1980-1984, we had 12 deaths in our family (almost 3 a year) and 8 of those died before 60 (some long before 60). This affected me for many years, and I half believed I wouldn't reach 60 either.

Here I am - 60 - and very blessed to be (quite) well and fit, very young at heart, not too many 'pleats' in my face (yet), a (depleted) family and lots of friends. Thanx to all of you in blogland too, who have sent me good wishes.

I suppose the biggest realisation of this birthday is that I AM TRULY LOVED.

After so many years of struggling through a difficult childhood, battling with anorexia and bulimia, marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce,emigration, fleeing, re-emigration, and many many periods of hopelessness, depression and desolation, I feel at last that I have come out of the dark tunnel of my past and can breathe fresh air once more.

No doubt, I will always have to battle with my demons....

BUT, IF 60 IS THE NEW 40, I AM READY!

FLOWERS, FLOWERS AND CARDS, FLOWERS AND CARDS AND PRESSIES.

A PICTORIAL REPRESENTATION OF MY CHILDHOOD DONE BY STEVE

A FUTURE FAMILY HEIRLOOM

LUNCH WITH MY 'BOYS'. AM TRULY LOVED.

ROLLS ROYCE AND CHAFFEUR FETCHED ME ON SUNDAY.

I NEARLY FAINTED WITH SHOCK.

TEA AND CHAMPAGNE AT THE ST JAMES'S HOTEL, PICCADILLY, LONDON WITH MARK AND CARLA.

ARRIVING HOME TO FIND THE HOUSE ADORNED WITH PINK BALLOONS, WITH MY FACE ON THEM!!

A DIAMOND RING FROM THE ONLY MAN I HAVE EVER TRULY LOVED. (photo taken in Oz)

MY CUP RUNNETH OVER!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Midnight has come and gone and I am officially 60.

I said that this birthday was turning out to be an 'arty' one and indeed it is.

Carla ( my lovely new daughter in law) painted this adorable picture of Snuffles , using acrylics; it's an exact image. And she claims she's not artistic!

She's cute, don't you think? The dog of course!

Notice how she has signed this picture with her new initials (Carla of course)

One month of marriage and she is still so excited about being a 'Mrs'.

Thanx a million Mrs R, I love it.

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me me
Happy birthday to me!

Tangent: Award Day

I am soooooo chuffed to get this award from my good friend Lolo (as a birthday present).

What a thrill, from someone so artistic, sensitive, warm and caring. Thanx and lotsa 'warm fuzzies' sent your way tonight.

I have to choose 5 people to pass this on to.

Drum roll please everyone.......drrrrruuuuuuummmmmm roooooolllllllllll

It gives me great pleasure to present this award (in no particular order) to some of my blogging friends for giving me so much pleasure in my life.

humanbeing
teric
lynn_gettingyourfeetwet
piercing the veil
auntie mim's
beam me up scotty

You all make my day!

ps: Oops I can't count.

Tangent: The Daffodil Principle

You know how you are just meant to read/see certain things at a certain time.

I am in such a 'tizz' about my 60th coming up soon....

Then I read this truly beautiful story about the 'Daffodil Principle' which touched me very deeply.

So I rushed outside to take a photo of my daffs straining to bloom despite the weather. Of course, Snuffles came with me to see what was so important in the garden at 9pm. (Look how small she is, all 4.8 kgs of fluff and scruff.)

Hope you don't mind Cris, if I send others to your site to read this wonderful piece.

My 60th birthday is that 'first' day.....of the rest of my life.....

Tangent: Hidden messages

It is an interesting week for me, leading up to my 60th birthday.
I am so keenly aware of everyone and everything around me.
All that I have been, all that I am and all that I could still become,
Swirling round in my brain like hidden messages!
Monday Artday: Hidden messages

Sixty: Learn to accept

God

Grant me the

Serenity

to accept the things I cannot change

Courage

to change the things I can

and

Wisdom

to know the difference

This is how I see our little family now.

I need to accept the changes within it - with the sure knowledge that I've always done my best, and know with certainty that: 'what will be will be'.

Now I will review all 60 things I was determined to do before 60 (in 3 weeks time), and see which I have achieved, which I can still do, which are ongoing and which I may never do.

Tangent: I AM BACK

Arrived home with a sigh of relief.

This pencil drawing took quite a few attempts. The Opera House is tricky, looks so straightforward, but I found it hard to draw.

THIS is how my holiday actually felt (to me). Don't know if I will ever be able to explain it all. Maybe it's just jet lag?....

Enough said for now.

Happy 2008 to you all in blogland.

Watch this space for my final 60b460 posts, as the birthday is drawing near now!

Tangent: Horizon

At this time of the year, we are all looking towards the horizon.

What will 2008 bring for us?

My New Year's Resolutions (in no particular order) are:
Make the very most of my trip to OZ (specially after the last few days).
Increase my Charity donations and do more for those in need.
Learn to draw and paint properly.
Appreciate my health even more.
Enjoy my 60th year on this earth.
Learn to say 'No'.
Renew my belief 'life is a journey, not a destination'.
Make more people laugh.
Try to re-unite my sons.

Most of all:
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can
And the Wisdom to know the difference!

Happy 2008 to all.
IF: Horizon

Thirty-One: Go back to Hong Kong

In 1984 I went on a 10 day package-tour to Hong Kong with my (then) best friend, Venette. She and her husband often went to Japan and Hong Kong on business. She raved about this City with all its magnificence, and as I had never been to the Far East, it was the right thing to do. Off we went, leaving our kids with the 'hubbies', and it was all she had said and more! I promised Neil over the next twenty years that I would one day 'take him to Hong Kong'.

Mark and Carla are getting married in Australia in December while on a five week recently planned holiday. They have asked us to come out to Oz to attend their wedding ceremony which we would dearly love to do.

But Australia is definitely not the place we would choose to go to for a 'dream' holiday.

So we find ourselves in a quandary

However, we can go to Hong Kong en route to Oz and stay there for 10 days, hence having our 'dream' holiday to celebrate our 60th birthdays (both next year) and also see our son married.

Mmmmm, this sounds ideal........

Twenty-five: Detox and de-clutter

I painted this in 2003 when I was in a really bad way after having just had back surgery for a slipped disc followed by a shoulder operation 9 weeks later. I called it 'obesity and pain'.

Now, here I am 4 years later, fit and well, thank heavens, but still in a bit of a mess, physically and emotionally, and with my important birthday drawing closer, I feel the need to detox and de-clutter.

So: water fast and some really fierce housekeeping, here I come!

Seventeen: Make a collage

Okay, let's get one thing quite clear, I do NOT want cutesy, boring, little pressies on my 60th birthday. Bugger that.

No cake either. Knowing my kids, it would probably look like this! Mind you, a big, fat, fattening cholesterol -packed cheesecake would do me fine!

I've given it a lot of thought. How mind-blowing would it be to have my life presented in pictorial/art form. Something not only to treasure and giggle over, as it would have to be really cheery and fun, not heavy and worn looking, but also something to leave for the kiddies. Better than the mercedes and £200,000 (which I don't have anyway,ha ha)

Not being arty at all, I also thought of putting all my photos into some sort of convoluted picture on picture, tangled into one another like my very life is, tangled....but no, don't like that idea.
Maybe get the people I know who are artistic to create something following my direction. No, too impersonal, too hygienic and perfect. Not saying I'm not hygienic or perfect, but that would be too sterile and not me either.

Quandary, conundrum, puzzle, mmm what to do?

So I told Steve what I wanted and he mulled it over and we talked some more .

He has made a wonderful suggestion, which he has offered to do as his present/tribute to me.

Not gonna say what it may be, you all just watch this space!

Eleven: Do more painting/ drawing

I am not artistic.

This was drummed into me at an early age.

Whenever I did attempt something, my 'all or nothing ' personality made me want to produce perfect pictures, and when I couldn't, I gave up. But then I give up easily, maybe far too easily. Hence the three marriages.

Like everything else in my life, e.g. having an ED when no one was talking about 'that' and taking prozac when it was newly discovered, my type of drawings will probably be more acceptable now than they were when I did them.

I consider myself unable to draw a straight line, but hey, what is a straight line nowadays? There are so many variations on straight, that even straight looks crooked.

When I draw little funny figures on the board at school, my five year olds always giggle or ask me 'what's that supposed to be?'. Enough said.
However, in my 39 years of teaching, I have used this to my advantage by saying 'you know I can't draw very well, but you try, I bet you are much better than me'. That turns even the most hesitant child into a Picasso before my very eyes. The other ploy I use is,' not everyone is good at everything, but we all keep trying'. Sickly sweet, I know, but it works every time.

Picasso, now you know why he is my idol. it's the pure wierdness of his art, the nakedness, the honesty, the clarity and starkness of it all that amazes me. When I look at his work, it makes me want to pick up a brush and go where he's just been.

The other person's art that blows me away is Steven's. Mind you he blows me away with all his talents. His art always has an element of sadness and reflection about it. Even when he's drawing a birthday card which he does for the whole family (one of the most important presents I receive), there is still this phantom of futility about it, coloured with a haze of cynicism. Tugs at my maternal heartstrings, even while giving me immense pleasure.

It is him who I have to thank for my 'art'.

Four years ago I was recovering from a slipped disc operation, followed 9 weeks later by a left shoulder operation and was in a very low state, both physically and mentally. I was walking that 'tightrope' of life. Could I stay on or would I fall off, or should I just jump?

After giving me lots of ideas and trying to urge me to take an interest in something, anything, Steve said to me one day 'What about painting? I'll bring my easel and paints round and set it all up for you, and when you feel like it you can have a go'.

Which he did and which I did. And like everything in my life, including this blog, when I get my claws into something the whole obsessive 'all or nothing' takes over and it's like one massive glorious binge. I started very slowly working through the pain and eventually not a day went by without me painting something, even if I just copied stuff. (I still believe I am better at copying than original stuff....although the previous little drawing was my very own- see 'fight the bulge')

Mind you, had it not been for Steve and Mark's continual praise and encouragement, I don't suppose I would have persevered, as I am my own worst critic and if I get it into my thick skull that something's not worthwhile, then it takes a lot to re-convince me that it is.

As you know with your own lives, we always grow from pain and sorrow and I think that's even more true with art. You have to have sunk into some sort of black hole in order to dig really deep within yourself to find something original to say/draw/sing about.

And, conversely, when life's going swingingly well again, this angst gets put aside till the next time. Likewise with my art and drawings. I haven't done anything for years, back at work and devoting no time to myself and to my pleasures anymore.

Enough. This is my year. The time is right. Art here I come. Thanks Steve.

this is my time

time for me

time to just be

what about thee?

Nine: Go dancing

God how I love to dance.

Waltz, foxtrot,tango, samba, rumba, cha cha cha. I love the feeling of swirling round the dance floor in the arms of a (preferably experienced) dancer. NOT a klutz with two left feet. NOT a wooden form standing rigid in front of me, afraid to let go and give himself up to the sensations inside him.

Dancing is a form of foreplay.....

Some music can be slow and lengthy, drawing out the exquisite feelings till you can't stand it any longer. Other music is hot, tempestuous, crazy and wild. Well, I love them all. Why the hell am I not dancing every single day of my life? As I think about it right this minute, I ache to be on the dance floor, preferably with someone who makes me burn at his touch, going round and round again and again, till I can no longer breathe.

I learnt to dance when I was seven. Every Sunday night Dad would put some music on the gramophone (I kid you not), and he would patiently and slowly show me the steps. I would start by standing on his huge shoes while he moved slowly round the room counting for me: 'one, two, three, one two, three' until I felt slightly mesmerised.

Then I would hop off and try it without his help. 'An apple for the teacher' by Victor Silvester, or Mantovani's 'Begin the Beguine' would be played over and over and over and over, till I got sleepy and he got ratty.

This was a regular Sunday evening after supper 'date' and I relished these times, waiting all week for the day to arrive and then all day for it to be our time.

We used to go to Weddings or any celebrations that included dancing, where Ma and Dad would dance only the first and last dance. The rest would be for me and my beloved dad. Everyone in our small town watched us dance with enjoyment, as I was the only child they knew who could dance like a dream, with the only Dad who would let her.

Throughout my adult life, I have possibly had only two partners who were good dancers, and both were called Tony. I met and danced with them twenty years apart and neither were my husbands. Enough said.

One of the best surprises I ever got was a birthday treat to the UK Ballroom Championships in Bournemouth about 1992. It was a magical evening and I was enthralled by the whole spectacle. I also remember sitting there knowing that a) I would never dance like that and b) No one would ever make me feel as special as my daddy had all those years before.

Now the question is: Will I do something about it, or will I just sit sadly and remember?

Five: Visit a nudist beach

Obviously my 60 ideas didn't just come to me in a sudden flash of inspiration, but rather bit by bit over a few weeks, even months. It all started on my 59th birthday, when I received a pretty notebook from my son's girlfriend. The inscription read 'for thoughts. lists and other things that come to mind'.

I started with a few quotations on the first page e.g. 'Enforced rest is hard work!' and ' Hysteria camouflages' and ' Grant that I may not criticise my neighbour until I have walked a mile in his moccasins'.

My all time favourite has got to be:

'If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away.'

Mmm, so that was the first page. What about some almost forgotten memories from my childhood, some good ones that is? So I dribbled on for a few pages with these, but it just didn't do it for me.

Mmm, what next? Then it came to me in the middle of the night, when I do most of my important thinking. What would I really like to do this year? To achieve? To gain/ get satisfaction from? What would make me very happy?

And there it was: 'Make a list of 60 things you want to do before you turn 60'.

Why 60 ideas? Well a nice even number don't you think? Why before 60, and not after 60? Because it's so easy to put things off and this just cannot be put off. This is the most important birthday I will have.

Why is it the most important one? Let's just say that the genes in my family are pretty rotten and quite a few people including my own mother and father didn't reach this age. So, in a way I feel I am doing this partly for them too.

My body has undergone many changes and, although everything is rapidly going south, I feel the most at ease with my body now. I want to feel the freedom of walking in a public place amongst others who feel the same as me, to strip away the false facade of clothing and just 'be' for a few hours.

Who knows if I will succeed, but at least I will have wanted to, tried to, and know inside how it felt and what it did for me. Whatever happens, it's sure to be a damned good laugh. Specially if I take my camera!